I was becoming something I despised in others - a placeholder or a roadblock. I did not like my assignment, asking myself several times, “When did I stop being a cop?” Daily, I wondered why my job was important and where it was taking me. While on the surface I was a contributing member of the command team, underneath I struggled to keep my head even near the surface. As I took stock, I struggled to come to grips with my self-image. I was stunned! Leave police work after only 22 years? Was I ready? I did not think so, but I needed to look back over the past year. Of course, the caveat of “with proper diet and exercise” was added. The doctor told me if I left law enforcement soon, my blood pressure could return to near normal levels. Quick word suicidal cards series#What he said chilled me: “I don’t think we need to load you into an ambulance, but you need to see your doctor soon.” At my previous checkup eight months earlier, my blood pressure was normal.Īfter a series of medical tests over three months, I learned my high blood pressure resulted from my choices and environment. My blood pressure was so high that a physician was called in. While the detectives searched for suspects, I took a break from paperwork and received my first COVID-19 vaccine at the local fire department. But, I was a manager, an administrator “chained” to a desk. After the damage was done, the investigators began to track down the riot organizers. The protesters arrived and immediately turned violent, creating a riot. Then, January 2021 came, and the officer-involved shooting occurred. I was slowing down, my joints ached, and, while unaware at the time, I was often in a fog when away from work. Fortunately, things were good at home with my family. This cut down my working out to only one night per week - I told myself that would have to suffice for now. Because I felt behind, I worked on projects and policies in the evenings and weekends. 4įor the first time in my career, I was violating a personal rule to never take work home with me. I was becoming a “reluctant manager” while being reactive and failing to anticipate employees’ needs. There always seemed to be another urgent matter around the corner. Personnel management problems increased as people in the division exhibited stress brought on by the pandemic. I spent days driving back and forth to work wondering what emergency would be next. Then, the nationwide response to George Floyd’s death increased the sense of urgency and stress as we implemented changes required by state and local leaders. Like most governments around the nation, my city was in crisis mode while dealing with COVID-19’s overall impact. I spent the next six months researching and creating policies and procedures related to the virus and limiting its spread. Two months before the pandemic, I transferred from an active patrol assignment to an administrative role in investigations and internal affairs. A monetary incentive to complete my department’s onboarding fitness test is open to union members only, leaving supervisors to find their own motivation to take part. Further, the processes in place to help officers are not always open to the “brass” or may be restricted in some way.Īgency physical fitness programs in my region are normally negotiated with the line officer’s bargaining unit. 3 Our peers and friends in law enforcement can sometimes be reluctant to mention an issue or intercede when they see the signs. Quick word suicidal cards professional#2 Unchecked, this can lead to physical, mental, or professional danger, bringing us to a breaking point where we can no longer cope with our environment. Sometimes, we look in the mirror and ignore the signs.Ĭhronic situational stress brings feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, disillusionment, and a negative view of our work or colleagues. As supervisors and managers, we spend so much time “watching out for the troops” that we fail to conduct self-checks. However, those of us in leadership can miss the obvious signs of personal burnout.
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